Love of my life (inspired by and written for Karl x)

 

Hamstead Heath Rainbow x
Hamstead Heath Rainbow x

Love of my life and Friend for more than just life.

No place to go and going there tomorrow.

Can’t find my empty bag for life as I bury my friend and love,

Well scatter the ashes on a windy Heath.

And then stand with friends as we share our grief and place our wreath
In the recently found bag for life.

No place to go and going there tomorrow without my friend and wife,
Without my friend for more than life.

Without knowing how to carry on, and wanting just to sleep and let the time heal and allow me to smile at just the thought of her.

I smile and cry as I think of her.

pauliepaul

Kidnap your princess in easy step by step …

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How my Grandad got away with kidnap?

The man who kidnapped my Nan was good at knots.
And so was his boat so swift.

The Man who kidnapped my Nan was always going to win.
Just as long as my Nan let him.

The man who kidnapped my Nan treated her like a princess.
Because my Nan was a princess.

And she often helped him to hoist sail, and then wrapped in love she would stand by him.
With my Nan’s arms wrapped around his loving shoulders, my Grandad steered them through the night and as they met the day together.

With love and with twin happy hearts sharing the same beat.
You could say that.

My Nan was lucky in love and my Grandad was good at kidnapping.
Very good repeated my Nan x

pauliepaul

Reflection

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Time is flying by now and my peers are far away in stable lives with children. Something maybe set aside for life, to ease them into ageing, making sense of all the time they’ve wasted preparing plans for now.

For me the years crept up and I was caught still raking over ashes from a wrongly started fire, holding back despair and grappling for direction with a compass showing all points grey and dark.

Oh but joy now from this lesser road, I’ve lived outside the bounds and followed whim and thought. From this I got to know myself so well now I can say of future times. We will all meet at the same place and ask,was it this way that I was supposed to tread? And I may say I trod a different path and yet here we are the same. Without rank but with friends to give meaning to a life and to the love we’ve had and to the love we’ve given.

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Whats the point?

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The point is.

My paul smith cashmere jumper vanished one day

I was young and blamed my mum

I looked for hours and and in the end the search stopped being a search it became a point.

It said : I’ve lost my casmere jumper, ¬†and I will search for it untill we all suffer even if it wasn’t your fault!

I never found the lovely black paul smith cashmere jumper and I never found my 12′ this charming man single.

And i’m still gutted.

But what’s the point?

pauliepaul

Desperate app wanted

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Well done and you know what you deserve it.
Try as I might, I can’t fault you and I’ve tried, oh yes!

On the way out tell them you’ll see them all next week, but you know by then you’ll be deathly white and bobbing in the sea.
Tell them all is well and show them your prosperity with a twenty pound round that no-one gives a shit about and on the way out, tell them you’ll see them all next week.
Show them all your new phone with the apps that help you when your car is fucked and they will not give a fuck as you say “goodnight and I hope I’ll see you all next week.”

They will see you next week as they fish your pale body out of a cold November sea and they’ll all say “He always bought a round, he was doing so well and he always said goodbye and I’ll see you all next week, I’ll see you all next week.”

He had a new phone they’ll say, he didn’t seem desperate.
“He didn’t have an app for that – I don’t think they’re onto it yet. An app for despair. A desperate app: ‘DES app?”
“Maybe directions to a desolate place, or a ticket to Beachy Head?”

“Or maybe a ‘Things aren’t that bad’ app.”

“And we’re glad we stopped him jumping into the sea.”

“And we’re glad he warmed to us as we wrapped a lovely blanket round him as he asked for an iPhone charger.”

(Hollywood Ending)

pauliepaulimage

Lone wolf of Soho

Troy club and then downstairs Spanish Bar.
Troy club and then downstairs Spanish Bar.

Thinking of long ago, of soho nights, and basement drinks, of sheltering from rain at 3am; with tear stained cheeks and memories of new friends that owe me drinks; I’ll never meet again.

Now it’s years gone by my tears have dried, the basements not as frequent now and strangers are left in peace to drink alone. Well now and then the lone wolf returns inside to drag me into old familiar Holborn doorways to find homeless concert pianist’s who fell from grace but cling to hope; as they cling to their hostel place, along with the scoundrels but also others who care without rhyme or reason.

And then I venture underground, every one is still as ice as they travel on their lonely way, a hundred feet below and a million lonely souls play at life through a tired transport network revolving around a Victorian dream that now forgets to say hello and how are you, and look each other in the eye; for fear of communicating God forbid a Northerner with things to say, because he’s suffered only a day, and years will wear him down; he’ll soon be looking at the ground when asked for change or someone may be needing help but he won’t see because he needs the help as well, because he’s close to cracking with his life on the corner of a page he’s been trying to turn for ten years or more.

pauliepaul

Navy of mum

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Shamefaced, the sailor who sank the submarine appeared in front of his Mum.

His Mum had risen sharply through the ranks and was now in charge of the Clyde fastlane.

“I don’t know what to do with you” she said.

“Your Dad is going to go spare”

“Don’t tell me Dad!” said the shame-faced sailor “Can’t we just say that the submarine virtually

Sank it’s self in, say…. Some foreign lands?”

His Mum walked towards him, putting her hands on the shamed face of her submarine sinking son.

“Ok” she said, “But don’t come again.”

As again she pressed a tenner into his shamefaced hands.

pauliepaul

Smokescreen

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The funny thing is the smoke screen that stops us seeing it all.
Chanel No 5 or an iPod Ten.

A strap on device that will tell you when.

It’s time to buy the new device because it’s got more features.
It has an app for telling you about the cleanest beaches.

It hasn’t got an app for sorting out the world.
Because we just need to earn lots of money and let the world sort itself out.
Get more minutes and make sure you can text.

Make sure of your pension and do try to make some cash by buying your flat.
You might need to sell it for a cup of clean water or a little shaving of Rhino Horn.

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There is nothing better than investing in property.
Or maybe not you might win the lottery.

Either way the planet and all that comes with it.
Well it’s not our problem is it let the world leaders sort it out.

When it clears and we face our fears and we wipe our eyes and dry our tears.
And say it was the smoke screen as we stand and face the future years.

And maybe wonder who had access to such a large smoke screen anyway?
And have they got internet banking?
And an app for wanking?

pauliepaul

His Way

And he was right x
And he was right x

My Dad said he didn’t write My Way, but he knows all the words and relates so much to the premise.

He said it says Oxo on buses, but you can’t buy it.

And he said he loves the song because he did it his way, and foolishly we spent Christmas Day writing He did it his way.

My Dad said he chewed candle wax if he couldn’t get chewing gum, as a boy of course during the Blitz.
He recalls his first sight of a banana, and he recalls the first sight of my Mum.

I think I heard my Grandma say that my Dad was a handful and if he ever did anything,

He did it his way.

pauliepaul

For my lovely Jo x

Beautiful inside and out x
Beautiful inside and out x

When I cuddle Jo and I don’t know where I end and she begins.
When she brings me a cup of tea and let’s me sleep because she knows I’m tired.
When I’m in love with her and she’s my best friend and we laugh on the top deck as we pass by her beloved old Camden flat.
When I want to get back to her as soon as I can even though she lives on the top floor.
This is when I realise how lucky I am.
Big cuddle darling see you soon xx

pauliepaul