Extract from the Man Who forgot how To ride A Bike

“Hello Mum.”
Brian didn’t knock, just entered the house of his parents straight
through the front door.
“Put the kettle on Mum, I’m going to have a look in the shed for my bike.”
Brian walked through to the kitchen and on toward the back door only
to meet his Dad bending over what appeared to be an upside down racing
bike with ten gears.
“That looks like my bike.” He said to his Dad.
“I know it is, I’m not stealing it!”
After a pause, Brian asked his Dad why his bike was upside down in the kitchen.
“Because I was oiling it for you! And you have really upset your Mum.”
“Using language like that to her, you know better.”
Brian knew that his Dad was referring to the use of the word ‘wanking’
that was used on the telephone earlier as he talked to his Mum.
“Sorry Dad, was bit drunk, Didn’t mean to upset her.”
Brian spun the front wheel of the well-oiled racer that was upside
down in the kitchen at his Mum and Dads house. He then pushed the
pedal and the back wheel eased into life.
“Its a Raleigh Olympus.” said Brian to his Dad who exploded.
“Your Grandad paid for half of this bike and me and your Mum paid for
the other bloody half. I know it’s a Raleigh Olympus because I
probably made the bloody thing when I worked on Ilkeston Road for
twenty years.

Brian’s mum was well on the way with the tea by now and was determined
to keep a air of normality.
“Have you got a girlfriend Brian?” she asked as she poured the tea.
“Cause he hasn’t got a girlfriend.” Said his dad. “I mean why else
would he be wanking in the car!”
Brian went a shade of white, his Mum continued to pour the tea and his
Dad turned and walked past them both towards the living room.
“Why did you tell him what happened Mum?”
Brian was annoyed. His Mum was quick to reply.
“He heard me on the phone to the police Brian, the cars still
registered here. I thought it was your Dad in trouble. But never mind
that, why did you bloody do it!?
For a second Brian was shocked and he was puzzled as to why. He then
realized that his Mum had swore, this was a rareity.
“Stupid bet Mum sorry.”
“A stupid bet! Fiddling with yourself in the car!” she paused in a
horrific moment of realisation. “You don’t still see Collin do you
Brian?” His Mum was in despair.
“He’s a good friend sometimes Mum.”
“Oh Brian, Brian.”
It was as though any hope that Brians Mum had left for her son had
just been snatched away in an instant.


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