Dad wasn’t on top form one year and he asked me to help tow the caravan down to Italy with him and Mum.
We set off, me keeping the peace with a referees whistle until the M25 stopped working and we all queued to get off it, and got off it in the middle of nowhere.
I headed South and was soon passing under suicide Bridge then on and along my hallowed Holloway Road.
Mum was asleep as I feathered the caravan over Tower Bridge, me and Dad were talking Dad was telling stories. He told me about the time they robbed the American payroll in Germany whilst on National service. Then, just as Mum was waking on The Old Kent Road, Dad said “don’t tell your Mam Son” and I said “right o Dad” and then we were quiet for a bit.
On the Swiss border the Swiss border Guard pointed at a spot he wanted me to stop at.
I didn’t stop at his spot I passed it and stopped at mine. I smiled at my Mum and I smiled at my Dad but they didn’t smile back at all.
Because the Swiss border guard went up the flippin wall.
My Dad said “you wait here Son” as he got out and spoke with the Swiss border guard for more than a while.
After my Dad had got back in the car, the Swiss border guard walked around to my open window.
He reached inside and gently touched my hand and as he held it in broken English he said “have no fear have no fear” just as his other hand was wiping away a Swiss border guard tear.
He gave me some chocolate and waved us through and Mum said “are we stopping soon I fancy a cup of tea.”
We stopped at the foot of the Simplon Pass and Dad said “give me the keys Son I’ll take it from here” and Mum said he “always drives The Simplon.”
I said “right o” and got in the back and shut my mouth and my eyes quite tight.
At the top of The Simplon Pass is a Bar.
Me and Mum went in and had a drink and we stayed in there for quite a while.
And after a few drinks later as we were walking back to the car.
Just as she was feeling a little bit typsy.
Mum said “I know what happened in Germany but don’t tell your Dad”and I said “right o Mum.”